Perfect Family Tales And Other Trivia

The art of the short-story writer is that of the cartoonist. It is the magical craft of creating entire worlds with a few simple strokes of a pen. Tales told by an idiot? Maybe! But my tales are also a mix of reality and fantasy; truth and lies; some based on my own family; others, not. Readers must guess which characters are real; who are inventions - and who are an amalgam of both. Please draw the boundaries for yourself.

Saturday, 21 December 2013

‘Star-Topped Christmas Mincemeat’


“What are little boys made of?
Slugs and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!”.



Celebrity Christmas Mincemeat


2 fat, over-ripe egos

Large quantities remaining sexual tension 

2 x 2 much money

3 children not your own

2 formidable intellects peppered with scant pinch common sense



Mash egos to thick pulp. Grill for three weeks over red-hot flame in court of public opinion. Transfer to back burner and maintain dish at maximum heat to preserve optimal interest.

Stir in vast amounts of distortion, half-baked rumour and downright ballyhoo then combine with remaining ingredients just for luck.


To Serve

Garnish liberally with mixed powdered cannabis and crack cocaine.



Household Tip:

Hang out to dry and serve as just desserts with drinks on Christmas Day. Mince.Tarts




Natalie Wood

(Copyright, Natalie Irene Wood – 21 December 2013)

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